Fortified

 fortified adjective for·​ti·​fied: made stronger or more secure  
I don't know why but the word "fortified" has kept coming up in my mind lately. Whenever I think about my progress in my mental health, that word comes up. I feel fortified. This morning I was just thinking about how many things Allah has aligned for me to feel this way. With finally feeling secure in my living situation and getting help from my therapist, I feel like I finally have the strength and tools to live my life. 
Some of the things that attributed to my fortification were:
1-moving: I don't plan on moving from this place anytime soon. The only reason I would is if this house is destroyed or I get married, so I feel so secure and don't feel rushed or that I need to find some other place to live
2-work: I'm not trying to "get through" school or anything, I made it.  Work has made me realize that there is more to life than school and work. I was itching to change my routine and I have been more inspired to travel now that I have the money and PTO to do so
3-travel: My trip to St. Croix (i wanted to make a blog abt it, maybe i will one day) really opened my eyes. This was the farthest I've ever travelled and now I'm addicted, I want to see the whole world and how it is different than what I'm used to. During my trip I discovered about 'island time' ™ and I learned that I need to chill. Take my time. Don't worry so much. And during my stay I had a therapy session where she said to look for the glimmers, not the triggers
4-therapy: Therapy has helped to validate my concerns while also making them feel a lot more manageable. But one session really had an impact on me. We were talking about the different relationships I have like with family and friends and she helped me differentiate between my "safe" people and the ones I don't feel as safe with. She said that I treat everyone as if they are the "not-safe" people and that really put things into perspective. At first I was offended, I don't have my guard up all the time!! But once I realized that I do, I've started to break down that wall and I've felt even closer to those "safe" people.

So lately I have been feeling like my true self. I find myself not caring about a lot of small things and giving myself more grace and mercy. I've actually been liking myself and not feeling insecure about who I am. I feel fortified. 

Anyways, Merry Ramadhan. I'm behind on reading (Quran) but instead of getting down on myself, I've decided to have grace. I really don't want to repeat that Ramadhan where I was trying to do too much, failed, then hated myself. I'm over that. I was reading an article with such an important reminder, "Only Allah is perfect". That was such a light-bulb moment for me because I held myself to the standard of perfection while forgetting that I'm human. Realizing that I'm made to be imperfect has also allowed myself to put more trust in Allah because He knows that I don't have all the answers and He does, so who else to trust but Him.

I feel like this post was kinda word vomit but I didn't plan how this would go and it's completely off the dome so it's whatever. I just wanted to share my thoughts.

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Random Memory: My stomach hurting and having to poop after every suhoor. That hasn't happened yet this year, maybe my stomach is fortified too.

Comments

  1. oil_puddle3/04/2025 05:20:00 PM

    Almost the year anniversary of Puddle WOOOOOO 🎉🎉🎉

    ReplyDelete

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